And here it is, the genesis of a new year.
All day yesterday, I kept getting the same old question prompted by the fact that it was New Year's Eve: what are your plans for tonight. Being that I currently live in Las Vegas, I'm sure the expected answer would have been something like, "I'll be at the Strip," "I'll be at a club," or the classic, "I will be face down at the bottom of a pint glass at some random person's house, hoping inwardly to even make it to midnight to ring in the new year."
Maybe last year's response to that unavoidable question could have been any of the prior. However, I gave every person who asked me that question a truly honest answer: "I'm going to put on my pajamas, eat dinner, play a little Grand Theft Auto V and hope to be in bed by nine." Yes folks, I had no intentions of even staying awake until midnight because that is what my life has become. I outwardly celebrate whenever I lay my head down on my pillow before ten. With a job full of stress that causes me mentally and physically to be at zero percent energy by six pm, nothing soothes me more than knowing I can get a full night's rest, and I count that even on holidays. I had no intention of partying this year; I simply looked forward to a day in the middle of the week in which I could sleep in until eight am (so rebellious!) and not think about my regularly scheduled midweek tasks.
Well, I accomplished most of what my honest answer conveyed. I put on my pajamas, had dinner and then watched three episodes of American Horror Story: Asylum (yes, I know, I was behind) before submerging myself into the bathtub with a saucy glass of cheap Merlot in hand. I know at some point my dog joined me in the tub, maintaining her dry coat by resting on my clavicle in a feeble attempt to block my airway, but even then I stroked her back aimlessly, allowing the water and the wine to warm me from the inside out, and my mind did the typical New Year's Eve wandering into the past. Of course 2013 wasn't the most horrendous year in the existence of mankind, but for me it wasn't the greatest either. Towards the end, I had a much-awaited explosion of emotion. This was a couple of weeks ago - the weekend before Thanksgiving I believe. I remember it clearly because I was sitting in a McDonald's in Wal-Mart on the verge of tears. I hadn't slept well that night. My mind had been fixated on one of the several articles I had read online regarding the farming of animals for food. This particular article featured a pig peering out at me from between the dirtied wooden boards of the crate it was in. I did not finish the entire article because I couldn't get beyond the pictures of other used and abused farm animals it featured, but I got the gist of it. And while this was just one of the many I had already read, the image of the pig would not leave my brain. This, on top of the mental stress from my job, welded up inside me and came pouring out of me in a slur of unintelligible word vomit at my boyfriend all the way to Wal-Mart where we ended our shopping trip at their in-store McDonald's. As I bit into one of their cheeseburgers, I publicly announced that I couldn't do this anymore - and when I say "announced," I mean I told my boyfriend, and when I say "I couldn't do this anymore," that is my dramatic way of stating that I could not indulge in meat anymore.
Now, while my boyfriend wasn't completely weirded out by my announcement to him, I could tell that I had made the trip slightly weird. I was a big meat eater. I always had been. I loved a slab of bloody steak and often shared my desire to transform into a whale to swim the oceans with my mouth opened wide to invite every sea creature within reach easy access to my belly. So for me to suddenly announce that I was giving it all up was something ... weird. But I could not shake the images in my head and the fact that those images did have a significant impact on me in a way that I could not entirely explain. This was obviously a sign that something needed to change. Beyond that, a change within me was inevitable. I had spent a great portion of 2013 wallowing in stress. I had given up on being thankful for even having a job and instead spent many nights crying over things out of my control, worrying about upcoming events at work, growing more and more bitter at how I could not save money or afford certain things. I had become someone entirely different from whom I used to be - the free-spirited, too-often giggly and optimistic child at heart. Now, I was reduced to taking shameful selfies on Instagram that depict how haggard I feel. This year, instead of being thankful to God for my health, my home and my job, I spent the time unknowingly moving away from Him.
These were the thoughts that my mind continued to dwell upon in the bath. As of last night, I have not eaten meat since Thanksgiving. I have been very proud. As for me being so bitter, I am working on it. I have been to church almost every Sunday since and I have been trying to draw nearer to Him by spending some time with Him every day. Sipping on my glass of wine, I felt a sense of calmness befall me. For the first time in a long time, things were beginning to make sense. Finally, the new year was starting to look bright. Currently, I am satisfied with my life choices. Everything I want to work on is attainable - only if I choose to put some work into it.
And so, this is where the beginning of this blog ... starts. The purpose of this blog? To track my progress throughout the year. I have comprised my new year "resolutions" into a single mission of really working hard on refining my mind, body and soul. I want to cut out the extra junk in each category. I want to focus on the classes I take at UNLV this year (even the *blegh* math course I start on the 21st) so that I can grab my BA; I want to transition from my current status as vegetarian to vegan; and I want to grow close to God this year. I want to end 2014 on a high note, preferably as an even better version of myself; a Cassandra 2.0 if you will. On that note, if you are even still reading this blog and not half asleep in your arm chair, I hope that you will join me on this journey into a better future. I promise to post loads of pictures of food, fun recipes and every knowledge I gain regarding the vegan lifestyle, as well as my steps in my faith.
Well, as day one of 2014 comes to a close and I am up for my turn on the streets of Los Santos, I offer you a sincere cliche: Happy New Year, and may this year be for you as bright, positive and progressive as I know it will be for me!
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